The End of Their Journeys
by bikelock28
Summary: The Doctor's thoughts at different points in Journey's End. Quite angsty. 10/Rose, 10/Donna, 10.5 Rose.


**I don't own Doctor Who!**

_Standing here right outside your door  
And I don't think that my heart can take much more  
I'm scared of cracking up again I just want it to be like it was before  
Cos' I don't think that my heart can take much more_

_Busted- 3am_

The End of Their Journeys

Rose walks up to me in astonishment.

"You're still you," she murmurs.

"I'm still me," I give her my happiest, silliest grin. She smiles back. I never thought I'd see that smile again. Rose flings her arms around my neck and hugs me.

She presses her forehead to my shoulder as my arms wrap around her body. I can't stop smiling. Outside, there are Daleks and disappearing planets and God knows what else, and it could well be the end of everything that's ever been, but right now I don't need to think about tat because Rose Tyler is back in my arms. I am happy.

* * *

No! No, what's happening? You're burning her, burning my TARDIS! Burning my home, my friend. Even when I lose everything, I _always_ still have her. And now you're burning her up.

And Donna, Donna is dying in there. My Donna, who is my companion and my best friend and who means everything to me, and they're killing her. Rage and fear bubble inside me. Even if, by some miracle, we do get out of this, without my TARDIS I'm trapped here. Pain rips at me and I don't know if it's pain for myself or for Donna or the TARDIS or for Davros and his madness. I bite my teeth together hard, forcing myself to watch. Rose takes my hand, her fingers cold on mine, and the flames engulf my ship, and my friend inside it, and we watch together.

* * *

"You take ordinary people, Doctor, and you fashion them into weapons,". He's toying with you, tormenting you, don't listen to him, I tell myself. But it's true, niggles a voice in my head. Memories flash through my mind, images of people who have died for my sake, in my name. Mrs Jones. Chantho. Ricky. Luke Rattigan. River Song. Van Staten. All dead. All died. All died For me.

"The man who keeps running because he can't look back, out of shame," croaks Davros hoarsely. You can't argue with that, Doctor,says a nasty voice in my mind. You do keep running, running from the monsters, from the darkness, from the past. You can't stop. You can't turn back. Running and running, because you just can't turn back.

"This is my greatest victory, Doctor. I have shown you…yourself!". Yes, one day I'll have to stop running. One day I'll have to look back.

* * *

Donna and I turn away. I want to get back the TARDIS as fast as I can, but Rose interrupts.

"But he's still not you!" she protests. The other Doctor looks hurt.

"He needs you, that's very me." I need her. I need someone. Take him, Rose. Don't you see what I'm trying to give you? Trying to give you someone, becuase I know how it feels not to.

"Well then, both of you, answer me this. The last time I stood on this beech, on the worst day of my life, you said something,"

I swallow. "I said Rose Tyler,". My voice is dead and dull, but that's the only way I'll save it from cracking.

"Yeah. And how was that sentence going to end?"

"Does it need saying?". Oh, of course it needs saying, Doctor. Its needed saying since you met her. You almost did say it last time. But now, this time, I can't. I can't. I just can't.

Rose turns to my doppelganger. "New Doctor?"

Say it, say it, go on. The "New" Doctor leans over and whispers in Rose's ear. I try to smile. She'll be happy. He'll be happy. Everyone wins. Well, almost everyone. Rose grabs the Doctor's lapel and kisses him on the lips, their arms wrapping around each other. If everyone wins apart from me, maybe that's the price I pay.

* * *

Oh no. Donna is transposing. Her words are mixing; binary, binary, binary, fix it, mixing, Ripton, Brixton. She's burning up

"I know what it's like inside your head now," she says.

"And how does that feel?" I reply, slowly. "There's never been a human-Time Lord metacrisis before. And you know why,".

The realization in her eyes makes me ache.

"Donna, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," her body begins to shake, her eyes, like mine, are filling with tears. "But we have the best of times," my voices quakes, "The best,"

"No! No, please, no". Oh, Donna, I'm sorry I'm so sorry.

"Goodbye,". Her eyes close and she slumps into my arms. I hold her, not knowing if I can take anymore losses.

* * *

Bang bang bang! I hammer on the door.

It opens to reveal a worried-looknig Wilf. Not suprising he's worried seeing as I'm kneeling on the doorstep clinging onto his limp granddaughter.

"Help me,". I'm desperate. I need someone to help me, please. I need shelter and warmth and friendship, please.

"Donna!" Wilf helps carry her into the house. He lays her on the bed and I watch her, thinking of the times we had.

"_It's me!"..._"_Yes, I can see that,"_

"_Back of the neck!"_

"_You've got Dadshock,"_

"_HOW IS HARVEY WALLBANGER ONE WORD?"_

"_Tell me there's no Noddy!"_

"_Molto bene,"_

"_DoctorDonna,"_

The DoctorDonna. Ripple_s _across time and space, all folding back on the DoctorDonna. After explaining this to Sylvia and Wilf, I say one last goodbye to Donna, who's on the phone to someone about the little Indian bloke down the pub.

"Donna. I was just going,"

"Yeah, see ya,"

She doesn't nned me anymore. Too bad I need her. I turn to go. Outside it is raining. The drops seep though my clothes onto my skin.

"It'll pass," I tell Wilf, "Everything does,". Everything passes. It's true, but it's so painful. Especiallywhen, like me, your the one left to remember.

"What about you, Doctor?"

"Fine. I'm fine,". Liar. Liar, Doctor, and you know it

Wilf promises me he'll watch out for me on his hill. But having someone watch out for you isn't the same as having someone with you, is it?

"Thank you," I manage to murmur. The rain is dripping hard on my hair and face, soaking my body. I need to leave. I need to leave before I cry. I mutter my thanks to the old man again, and head back into the TARDIS.

I stroke the consol and rub my wet face."You and me again, old girl,". I mumble. At least I still have her, my TARDIS. I nearly lost her today, but, after all that's happened, I still have her. I take my jacket off and walk around the control panel, flicking buttons randomly. An hour ago I had a TARDIS full of people, and now…no one. They've all got other people, other lives. I lean forwards onto the consol and rest my chin on my hand. My shirt is soaking. The TARDIS' engines whir, as I lean onto the consol, thinking hard and trying desperately not to cry.

**Thanks you for reading, what did you think? Too angsty? Too cheesy? Reviews grately appreciated.**


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